Table of Contents
I: Introduction and Exit West
II: Czechoslovakia and the Hyphen War
III: Saving Sourdi and Hetalia
Part I
What makes us different?
This is a question we’ve all asked ourselves in one way or another. Whether it’s appearance, personality, or beliefs, the differences between us are hard not to notice.
These differences are clear from the beginning in Exit West, a book by Mohamed Hasin about two people in a city going through civil war.
The two people in question are Nadia and Saeed, who are contrasted from their first appearance together. When Saeed first tries to talk to her, asking her to have coffee together, Nadia coldly rejects him, ignoring his attempts to be friendly and start a conversation.
As well as differences between their personalities, Nadia and Saeed differ in their belief systems as well. Saeed is religious, but Nadia isn't, and because of this, their beliefs about love and relationships are different. He wants to get married, but she isn't sure, and he cares about not having sex before marriage, but she thinks that reservation is ridiculous.
Those differences quickly become trivial when the fighting in their city worsens and Nadia moves in with Saeed for her safety. Suddenly, these differences don't matter anymore; only seeking comfort from each other and planning their next moves.
Using the magical doors that lead them to places far away, they go from one location to another, trying to find a safe place to stay, while cracks start to show in their once close relationship due to differing beliefs, like Saeed valuing companionship over privacy and Nadia disagreeing. Eventually, Nadia moves out, and although they try to keep in contact and take weekly walks, but eventually they stop and lose contact with each other.
At first, it may seem their differences caused them to drift apart. But was that really the case? Sure, their personality may have created some conflict, but it was never anything too significant. Nadia was willing to respect his decision not to have sex, they could have come to an agreement about whether they wanted to get married, and their other, more minor, conflicts could be resolved with some communication.
So if their differences were not the cause of their separation, what was?
I don't think there's a specific answer to this question. Sure, their differences may have been a contributing factor to their separation, but their losing passion for the relationship and their lives going in different directions caused them to grow apart naturally. Their relationship was helpful for getting them through the war, but it outlived its usefulness, and therefore disappeared.
So this is a discussion of a relationship where differences may have contributed to ending a relationship, but weren't a main factor. What happens when fundamental differences are the main reason for the end of a relationship?
To answer that question, let's talk about Czechoslovakia.
Part II
After the end of World War II, Czechoslovakia was formed when it declared independence from Austria-Hungary, and was created as a union of the Czechs and Slovaks:
Here's a Hetalia: World Stars strip to illustrate this:
Wait, sorry. Here's a Hetalia World☆Stars strip to illustrate this.
They agreed to spell it with a hyphen, and everything was fine...for about two decades, when World War II started and it ceased to exist. Then it was reinstated, then it came under Soviet control, and as if that weren't enough, when it was finally re-established as a democracy, no one could decide what to name it, resulting in the start of the Hyphen War.
This "Hyphen War" was one of the many conflicts that led to the separation of Czechoslovakia into two countries in 1993:
If you're like me, your first reaction to this was like Czechia's: "That's ridiculous. Why would anyone care so much about something as trivial as a hyphen in a name?" This reaction was similar to the general reaction of the Czech public, who "considered the Hyphen War to be petty and minor"
(pg. 14).
But the name itself wasn't the problem. Notice what Slovakia said in the last strip. "It's not trivial! It's important to me! What about our equality?"
And that was the issue. The name itself wasn't a problem, but rather a symptom of the problem. The problem of Slovak independence.
You see, the Slovaks were tired of being under other people's control and “after so many years of oppression, were looking for a name they considered appropriate.” This wasn’t just a silly debate; it was a question of representation and national identity, questions that neither side could answer, but the Czechs didn’t see it that way, since they had been the majority for as long as Czechoslovakia existed. This along with disagreements about the country’s economic future from their prime ministers eventually led them to agree to dissolve the country.
Here, the fundamental differences between the perspectives of the two groups (and their respective Hetalia characters) led to the country not being able to function as one and therefore separating.
So far, I’ve brought up two cases of differences dividing people and ultimately either a contributing factor or the cause of their separation. But of course, this isn’t always the case. What differentiates people whose differences divide them and people who stay together despite or because of them?
To answer that question, let’s compare Nea and Sourdi’s relationship to that of Germany and Italy from Hetalia. (Note: I’m just going off the comic, not history, for the case of the latter; I already did too much research for the last section.)
Part III
In many ways, these two relationships are opposites. Nea and Sourdi are close at the beginning, sharing everything with each other, but separate as Sourdi’s life changes to be focused less on Nea, causing Nea to remark to herself that Sourdi didn’t choose her, unable to understand Sourdi’s choices.
However, Germany and Italy are first strangers with totally opposing personalities who don’t understand each other’s behaviors, but eventually become friends with one of the closest depicted relationships depicted in the series.
Why did one pair grow apart while the other stayed together? To answer that, we need to look at...No. The answer is acceptance.
But what does that mean? Well, Nea couldn’t accept that she wasn’t the most important person in her sister’s life anymore once they got older. She resented anyone who got in the way of her and her sister’s relationship, and actively tried to change the life that her sister chose. To her, a life like the one Sourdi had was unacceptable to her because she wasn’t relevant anymore.
This is in contrast yet again to Germany and Italy’s relationship. Although they may not understand each other, they never explicitly try to change anything about each other.
Here, Germany acknowledges Italy’s troublesomeness as a part of him, nothing more. And Italy does the same in return: acknowledge their different personalities as just a fact and not something to be changed.
[I can’t find a comic that adequately illustrates this so just trust me I guess]
And that is the key. It’s inevitable that differences in personality or beliefs may cause some tension, but trying to change people is not the right solution. It’s not always necessary to understand someone to maintain a relationship, but it is necessary to accept them. Czechia and Slovakia couldn’t accept each other’s opinions about the name of their country, nor come to a compromise, which caused a rift in their relationship. Nor could Nea accept Sourdi’s decision to go along with getting married, which distanced them from each other. However, Nadia and Saeed accepted each other despite their differences, and thus eliminated much conflict that could have resulted from them. And Germany and Italy stayed friends despite their differing personalities because they never saw that as something wrong or needing to be corrected.
We are all quite different, but those differences don’t have to tear us apart. With acceptance and some understanding, even the most different people can form a long-lasting relationship.
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