How to make EXTREMELY good decisions

 Scene I: Blank Void

 Enter Vaguely Human-Shaped Silhouette.

Vaguely Human-Shaped Silhouette: Hello. My name is Generic Tragedy Protagonist. I am known for being the smartest, most rational human ever to exist, who never makes any bad choices whatsoever. I am also male, despite being only vaguely human-shaped, because we all know that the sole purpose of women is to be other people's wives or mothers--or both at once--with no agency of their own. Besides, women are too nice to have a fatal flaw like a tragic hero, and too delicate to handle the devastating consequences of their actions. But it's not like it matters, when men are the protagonists of the world, and women just side characters. 

A crowd of people who have appeared from nowhere stare at him with narrowed eyes.

What? What are you looking at me for?

The crowd vanishes.

Enter another Vaguely Human-Shaped Silhouette, this time with a feminine appearance.

Female Vaguely Human-Shaped Silhouette: Hello. My name is Generic Female Character connected to Generic Tragedy Protagonist, but you can call me Generic Female Character for short. I serve no purpose except to make Generic Tragedy Protagonist depressed after he realizes what he's done to me. I'm always a good, virtuous person, except when I decide to tell someone to kill my son/future husband, but doesn't everyone do that?

Enter another Vaguely Human-Shaped Silhouette, surrounded by a red mist.

Vaguely Human-Shaped Silhouette with a red mist surrounding it: My name is Obviously Evil Person. I hate the Generic Tragedy Protagonist for [insert reason], and I want bad things to happen to him For the Evulz. I am also male because women are never evil.

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: Wow! You seem incredibly trustworthy. You and I should be best friends FOREVER!

Obviously Evil Person: You can stop the sarcasm--wait, are you serious?

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: Of course I am. I can't think of a better person to trust than someone named Obviously Evil Person.

Obviously Evil Person (shaking his head): And we're supposed to feel bad for you.

Scene II: Generic Location

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: Looks like I have a problem. Should I

1. Come up with a rational solution like a normal person

Or

2. Murder someone

Obviously Evil Person: Murder someone. Murder is the solution to every problem and will lead to no consequences whatsoever. It's the perfect plan.

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: What a great idea! You are the best, Obviously Evil Person!

Scene III: Different Generic Location

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: It turns out Obviously Evil Person was evil, and murder has actual consequences. Who would have thought?

Generic Female Character: Also I'm dead now. Either that or your mother, whichever one creates more drama.

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: I guess the only thing to do now is kill myself because that's the logical thing to do when something bad happens, right, Miharu?

Miharu: Yes, of course.
Note: To give some context to people who haven't played this game, which is...probably everyone, Miharu from Fatal Twelve kills herself because...uh, she feels jealous of someone else's friendship with her crush, and that reminds her of her mom, whom she hates. Not that she ever tries to stop being jealous, despite this.

Generic Tragedy Protagonist: Look at how sad I am! *Dies*

Random Person: Look at how sad that was! I'll go tell all my friends.

The End